I have written down a bunch of stuff this year but this is really it. Today is the solstice at 6:03 pm and I am running out of time. This is the end of the line for me. When the earth teeters on its axis at 23.5 degrees pointing away from the sun and we, up here in the northern hemisphere, have the longest night of the year, the shift begins. Then the sun stands still in the sky for three straight days and we begin again.
This is always the end of my year. And it has been a doozy. According to Google doozy is actually defined as "something outstanding or unique of its kind." That is exactly what is has been. This year I have made extraordinary changes. Looking back right now I feel like a soldier showing up after the war is over - a day late and a dollar short. But in this case, being exhausted and broke might be just the wormhole I am looking for. It's not what I expected but it might actually be what I asked for (secretly).
I have this list in my head of all the crazy things that have happened (good and bad) and I am still trying to find meaning in them. Meaning??? Why!? It's so annoying really. I once asked the universe to strip me of all I knew to be true and leave me with only a simple task to do while I contemplate my existence. I was ONLY JOKING. But here I sit out of shape, out of money and perceivably out of time while everything slips out of reach.
I find myself sitting on the couch, the day well in force, in my pajamas between my two dogs. This, in itself, makes me blissfully happy. Yet I'm going through the list in my head..."the kids both had terrible injuries, the dog lost her leg, I moved really really far away and took a job that turned out to be a cluster of madness and insurrection" (at least in my house where standing up to "the man" is not anymore scary than standing up to the Jehovah's Witnesses at the front door - which is pretty darn scary). It was a necessary prerequisite to lasting one. more. fucking. day. at. that. horrendous. job. Let's just say I'm on the one day at a time retirement plan and keeping my resume circulated.
I had the privilege of staying with my old good friend during the transition for a month. That was like being home for me. It's the only way to describe it. Now, as I wrap this up on the cusp of Mercury's second retrograde of the year, I must say my little house by the sea IS ME and I love living here.
